weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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