just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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