I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
