Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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