Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
