After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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