Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
