I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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