i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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