My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
