I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
