duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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