so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
