All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
