yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
