Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
