If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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