Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
