If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
