nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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