so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
