If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
