He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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