I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
