I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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