I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
