i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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