that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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