I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
