Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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