Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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