Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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