The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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