sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
