i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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