I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
