I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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