yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
