Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
