come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
