just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
