Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
