As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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