I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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