hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
