my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
