...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
