You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
