Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
