I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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