I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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