I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
